4.26.2012

good thing my kids aren't your kids

Okay, okay. I admit it. Sometimes I want to say something like, "Oh, you're buying Babywise? Have you ever heard of The Baby Book?" or "It may not be the best idea to get an epidural before you're dilated to about six centimeters!" Oh, the choices in parenting. Solids before six months. (But breast milk is the perfect food right now!) Circumcision. (Did you know it's just considered a cosmetic procedure these days?) Cry-it-out method. (OHGODNO.)

But, y'all. It's none of my business. Each mommy knows what is best for her family. And you know what kills me? Seeing one mom be a bitch to another mom just because she doesn't agree with her. I see it all the time. And it's not fair. Women can be so mean to one another online!

Lord knows there is plenty for other mothers to pick apart about me. I have a horrible problem with yelling, and I mop my floors like once a month. I spend too much time in Internet World and not enough time playing or reading books to my son. Why do we hold everyone to our ideal standards of the type of mother we personally want to be on our best days? Sometimes, we all have to make choices in the moment that go against what we believe. I hate the cry-it-out method, but there have been times when I've had no other choice but to let Austen cry for a few minutes while I do what I need to do.

And I admit it, I have played the bitch card before. When I was a brand new mommy, there were days when I thought I knew all there was to know about being a mom. And sometimes, I still grumble to myself about others' parenting choices when I know I shouldn't. But then the other day, I saw this, and it kicked me in the ass. Because it was like it spoke directly to me.


Why, what a grand idea! Who would have thought?

There is no point for me to stress over the parenting choices of other mothers. My concern is for my own children, and I need to put that focus on being the best I can be for them. There is too much emotion, background, and passion that goes into the choices, to understand fully those choices of other parents. We make choices with care and out of love. We try our best.

I know we all falter sometimes, and there are plenty of things I've done that I am not proud of. Like that day I let River watch TV for five hours. Oh, yes. Good thing my kids aren't your kids, huh? 

6 comments:

  1. This is so true. And so brilliant. I'm definitely sharing this post.

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  2. This is a great post! And weirdly similar to what I wrote about today too!

    Lovely blog,

    love
    amy
    x

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  3. I need a "like" button for this post!

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  4. When my only sibling, a brother 6 years younger than I, left to go to college, Mom and I reminisced for hours in her "empty nest". That day, she shared with me something that has become the most precious, albeit unintended, parenting advice I've ever recieved. My precious, loving, devoted mother admitted, "I feel like I just figured out how to do it." She meant being a mother. Her words have echoed in my heart for the past 23 years since my first child was born. Her admission of her perceived lacking as a parent reassures me in my worst moments as a mom... Even the best mom ever felt this way.

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  5. I do sooo not agree on that whole "Each mommy knows what is best for her family"-thing. I would NEVER say that "oh, she knows what best for her son", if a mother is to chose circ for her baby boy (not talking about medical reasons here, just to be clear...). I thought I knew what was best for me while I was giving birth and had the epidural which led to a c/sec, and I didn't care to learn about epidurals until after the birth of my son!! So guess what - I DID NOT KNOW what was best for me. Although I can say that I tried my best with whatever I had at that moment, and I don't doubt that there are a lot of people doing their best with whatever they have also.

    I do not judge. I have respect for the fact that many women (like myself in that case with the epi) lack knowledge. They don't do their homework, for whatever reasons. But eventually, it is their journey on this Earth and their lives to be played out - and I do not judge when the time is right for them to learn their life lessons.

    Don't get me wrong here but sometimes I feel like "Each mommy knows what is best for her family" is just a lame excuse for people to justify their ignorance. Not saying that you did that in this post, just speaking generally...

    Anyways, your blog is awesome!

    Love and light from Sweden!
    / T.

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