because i'm pretty sure that's what i'm going through.
see, here's my relationship to sugar. i love sugar. no, i mean, i love sugar. i have no self-control when it comes to sweets. i can sit there and eat ten oreos, or as many as it takes to satisfy my craving. you will never see me reach into the bag and pull out two oreos, like any other normal human being. i know not the lifestyle everything in moderation. i think i'm seriously and dangerously addicted. i know it may sound like i'm trying to be funny, but i'm not. it's bad, man. the recommended daily amount of added sugar (meaning, sugar outside of naturally occuring sugar in, say, fruit) is 40 grams for a grown woman. i eat way, way over this amount on a regular basis. one can of soda has 50 grams and i can easily drink the amount that is in two or three cans. i can't even imagine what it's doing to me on the inside. how am i going to pay for this some day?
so on the second day of not eating refined sugar, i woke up feeling like cuh-RAP. my head was pounding, i was light-headed, my heart was palpitating, and i felt like i was going to pass out. i had no strength and had to go back to bed and ask my husband to make me something to eat. it wasn't until a few hours later that i even attributed feeling like that with not having had sugar for two days. i guess my body is so used to having a sugar-overload that it didn't know what to do.
it's been eleven days since i gave up eating sugar. i have cheated a couple times -- once, with a tiny slice of homemade pecan pie (how could i pass that up?) and maybe two or three other times, with very small amounts. other than that, i have stayed very far away. it's been extremely difficult. it's such a part of my life, that i often forget. the other day i was checking out at the grocery store and saw there was discounted christmas chocolate at the register. i almost added it to my cart until i realized i'm not eating sugar! when it's right in front of me and i am resisting it, it feels so good afterward to know that i held my ground and didn't give in. i can't believe it's been eleven days!
other than feeling great emotionally because i am proud of myself, i think how i change physically will be obvious to me in a few more months.
just yesterday, i was telling john how easy it's been with the kids the past week. i've been uncharacteristically patient with river, and in turn, he's been a pretty easy tot. he always feeds off my vibe. then, last night, i was talking to my mom about how hard it's been for me to resist sugar, and that i really do think it is a real addiction. it's already been shown that fast food triggers the same addictive response as drugs, so it doesn't surprise me that giving into every single craving of refined sugar set me up for a sugar addiction. i'm wondering how long i will have to go without sugar to get over it. it's horrible enough being addicted to sugar! i dream about french toast... cookies... caramel popcorn. along side giant glasses of ice cold milk, of course. i can't imagine being addicted to a hard drug. ha! my mom replied that she was with a friend when desert was offered, and when her friend passed up desert, she asked wasn't she going to get any desert? her friend replied, "no, sugar makes me angry." her friend went on to say she used to be addicted to sugar and had to stop eating it because it changed her mood.
i was like, oh oh THAT'S ME! that's why i've been so patient lately! because i haven't had any sugar! so now i know the key to keeping crazywhitney at bay is to stay away from sugar. it all makes sense now! sort of. i need to learn why sugar changes my mood. funny, because as a parent i am very aware that excessive amounts of sugar for my children is bad and how it changes the personality of my son, but it never occurred to me that it could change my mood as well!