december flurry

every year, i have visions of blog posts full of beautiful photographs of soft candle light, little chubby faces peering through frosted windows, christmas cookies cooling on the table, so on and so forth. but i never get around to writing and uploading and editing and publishing, or even sitting still with my thoughts for more than a few minutes. i guess it's a trend in our family to up and move around the holidays, which means there is little time and little money to do much of anything. i've been meaning, like every year, to sit down and edit our holidays pictures. this is probably the third time i've tried writing a blog about december. i thought about just uploading photos and sharing without words, but i want to remember. and part of remembering is going back and reading what i've written in the past. it's my favorite way to remember. so i am going to have to fit all of my thoughts from the past month into a long, boring post, full of the most random photos, all for the sake of memories.

two new years ago, i made the resolution to take at least one photo a day. i'm glad i did, because as i was putting river's one year book together on shutterfly, i realized i did not have a single picture of him on my digital camera when he was three months old. i had a couple cell phone pictures, and that was it. for the rest of the year though, i had tons of pictures. of course, with austen, i am much busier than i ever was with river. i get distracted and even though plenty of days i think, she looks so adorable today! i have got to get a picture... i just never get around to pulling my camera out and snapping a shot. i'm a perfectionist, and the downfall with that is that if i can't get a good photo -- not just a snapshot, but a great quality photo -- then i just won't even try. that's bad! bad, especially when you have quickly growing babies that need to photographed constantly, so you can remember all the funny faces and little moments that you would otherwise forget.

austen is a funny girl. she is so different from her brother. river was smiley, content, easy-going. he would go to anyone. if he was ever upset, all i needed to do was nurse him, and all his little baby troubles would melt away. in fact, sometimes it seemed he nursed all. day. long. i am not exaggerating when i say we hardly went twenty minutes without a nursing session! he was easy to make laugh and extremely sociable. my little ray of sunshine every day. very strong and active. a horrible, horrible sleeper. in fact, i found an old notebook in which i had written questions to ask my midwife at our six-week check up, and one of them was "is he getting enough sleep?" i laughed because i remember that... how he would be awake the majority of the day, and then wake up seven, eight, nine times in the night to nurse.

she is a pretty easy baby for the most part, but in every other way she seems to be different from river. she is very particular... you better hold her the right way, shush her the right way, bounce her the right way, and don't you dare put her down and walk out of the room. she loves being around people and starts crying almost the instant you leave her alone. she is very serious and it is a tough game trying to make her smile! forget laughing... she's chuckled twice, holding her breath and smiling her precious smile, but she refuses to laugh! it's the funniest thing and makes us laugh. i can't wait until she laughs. she is still a great sleeper. i was so afraid it was just a lucky sleepy newborn thing, but every night she only wakes up to nurse twice, and she takes long naps during the day, giving me a much needed break (or rather, better attention to make sure river isn't getting into trouble).

as expected, it is very wet here in washington. it's all very "twilight"... i feel like a werewolf is going to come out and attack me at any given moment. the trees are incredible. i was talking to my amazing stepmom the other day and mentioned how gorgeous the trees are here. she pointed out that everything else texas has is huge -- the squirrels, the burgers, the sky, the cockroaches. but the trees are just these stumpy little things! it's so true. in san antonio at least, the trees are pretty pathetic. i am amazed at the length of these things here. they shoot up into the sky, and sometimes the branches don't even start until about ten feet above a two-story building. 

it's cold, but not too cold. the weather hasn't started to depress me yet... maybe because i prepared myself for it. or maybe because in the past three summers in san antonio, two of them were record-breaking, with incredible heat and intense drought. i was soooo ready for some rain. it's funny though, i have found i am pretty excited to see the sun when it does shine through the clouds. even river yells, SUN! MAMA, SUN! kinda sad. poor kid. ;)

it's okay though, because there's a coffee shop at every corner. almost literally. the people here love their coffee, and i'm pretty sure it's because they need something warm in their hands. a small, independent coffee shop in san antonio is hard pressed to survive for long, but here, the ma and pa coffee shops survive among the starbucks' pretty well.

i feel much more at home here in olympia than in san antonio, even though this is the first time i've ever been west, and i lived in san antonio for most of my life. it's a pretty liberal state, and the hipsters here are kind of like the coffee shops. they're everywhere. i can finally wear my hipster shoes and not feel like a dork. there are also a lot of hippies and everyone knows i like to pretend i'm a kind of a hippie, while hiding my dr pepper in my pantry. but no seriously -- i'm giving up soda this year. for real this time.

christmas pictures to come! until then, enjoy this chocolate wine. oh yes.

annual reflections

every christmas, i start reflecting on what christmas is about, without even meaning to or hardly realizing it. i think in the midst of feeling the "christmas spirit" i have to remind myself what it is all about, because it is truly about something that outweighs everything else in history. the other day, i was holding austen, and thinking of what it must have been for mary to hold tiny jesus. to love him as much as she did. and, like most mothers, to want to protect him with every fiber of her being, while knowing that he was going to be the sacrifice for the world. could she even fathom it? how much did she know? what was it like, loving her child, knowing that he was both god and man, and that he would die before she would? i came across this from donald miller's blog, and just loved it:

I can't think of a better way for God to enter the world than as an infant. He became on of his creation, for the sake of his creation. For a period in world history mankind changed the diapers of God. He nursed at his creations breast. How disarming of him. What a fantastic way to build a bridge between an infinite God and finite man. He depended on us for food and shelter and even life. He gave up power and control in an effort to love and rescue.

wordless wednesday: i force my kids to pose for header shots

picture perfect

i wish i could say i have been snapping pictures like you wouldn't believe,  capturing every little moment as it happens in this new city, and have tons of beautiful photos to share with you, but to be honest i just haven't had time. oh, i have plans. i have visions. but they don't always pan out.

this morning austen and i woke up before john and river. i made my way through our icy living room, started a pot of coffee, washed the dishes, and gave sleepy austen a bath. i just love cold mornings, especially when coffee is involved.  it was nice and quiet and my little girl woke up deliciously cozy and squishy. the boys woke up shortly after i got her dressed and i flipped through my cookbook, thinking it would be nice to bake something warm for breakfast. i got my camera out to take pretty pictures of river helping me stir the batter in his footsie PJs, and maybe later, a photo of my coffee in the pretty little owl mug i picked up at goodwill for 30 cents, with a slice of steamy gingerbread sitting on a plate nearby. but then life took over and i realized halfway through the recipe we didn't have ginger or baking soda, so my "ginger" bread turned out totally weird, then i got into an argument with john because i said something passive aggressive, and then i yelled at river because he kept doing things like throwing the balls of yarn and making them trail through the living room, and then i spent the rest of the morning cleaning out crappy diapers from the last four days because we just got the sprayer hooked up last night.

i love the little things in life that make it enjoyable, but sometimes being a mom means that my life is probably the most unpoetic thing you can imagine. i mean, i'm pretty sure no one wants to see photos of me cleaning out poopy diapers over the toilet. but i can tell you that for all of those little poetic moments that do happen, i am glad i've taken my camera out. because i remember every. single. moment. i can look at any photo i've taken from the last two years and tell you exactly what was going on, why that was happening, how i was feeling. i wouldn't remember half those things if i hadn't had my camera with me.

i expect tonight to be completely poetic though, because we are all driving over to my parent's house (did i just say that? yes i did!) to eat nachos and drink hot cocoa and decorate the christmas tree and watch a christmas movie. i will take photos and i will post them and they will not show the little brother-sister bickering that happens in between the cookie decorating, or any poopy blowouts for which movies must be paused, or the glares between spouses when a situation with the bratty child is handled the wrong way, but such is life and -- this is coming from someone who does not handle stress well -- i'm loving every minute of it. :)

between snow covered mountains - texas to utah

here are photos of john's drive from texas to utah. part of me wishes i could have gone with him to see the scenery. i've been in the car going northeast plenty of times, but i've never driven west.. it looks beautiful!

hello olympia!

we are here. we may not have a table, chairs, mattress, couch, dresser, or coffee table, but we are here. this has been a long-awaited change. i keep saying, i can't believe we made it! i can't believe this is my new city. i keep thinking we are flying back to texas in a few days, but no... this is our new home. it's exciting and makes me a little nervous at the same time. leaving san antonio made me realize what amazing friends we were leaving behind. our friends matt & amy stayed one night until two o'clock in the morning, helping us clean and take stuff to the dump. our friends kim & josiah took river to spend the night the last night we were in town, so that we could finish up the last details of moving. and my dear friend irene flew with me to seattle to help out with the babies. there were many other people who were involved in some way during our last days in texas, and i am so grateful for all of them. i only hope we can find such amazing, loving people in olympia!

our plane ride was easy, considering. i honestly don't know what i would have done without irene. she took time out from her schedule, her life, to bear eight hours of airports and airplanes and a slobbery baby and a tired two-year-old, just to make our trip to washington a little (no... a LOT) easier. she was the extra pair of hands and patience i needed. river and austen were surprisingly easy the whole day. i'm lucky that austen is as easy as she is. and river sat in his carseat, buckled into the plane seat, nearly the entire time. the day was long, but at the same time, seemed to fly by. everything went smoothly and before we knew it, we were in washington! irene took a photo of our get-up: two adults, two babies, four suitcases, four bags, and two carseats. it was pretty ridiculous.

i wish i could say things are going as smoothly for john. he has been on the road for four days now, and as i type this, he is stuck in echo, utah with a flat. it's been quite a journey for him so far. he is only able to go about 50 miles per hour with the trailer attached to the car, and he's already been towed twice, stuck in wyoming in a snow storm, and hurt his ankle. i'm glad our dog is there to keep him company... not that he's much help, but it's better than being completely alone. i won't be able to breathe until he gets here. please keep him in your prayers if you think about it. he still has about 850 miles to go.

tomorrow i am signing the lease and putting the deposit down for our apartment, but we're waiting to move in whenever john arrives... you know, since i don't have transportation and the only thing in the house would be clothes. i have a lot of thoughts about this move, and i know it's going to take a while to get settled, emotionally and physically, and make this newness feel like normal life. we're going to be perusing goodwill and craigslist for cheap furniture and hopefully a little paint, scrapbook paper and mod podge will make things feel homey. olympia is a beautiful city... it's been cloudy and foggy since we arrived, but today it's been sunny and the skies are so blue. the sun starts setting around four, and it is dark by 5:00; that is going to take some getting used to. last night as the sun was setting, i was out shopping with my sister for christmas gifts, and i could see mount rainier from the michael's parking lot, its pink, snowy top peaking from in between the tall pines that are everywhere. it's so different from san antonio! i can't wait until my camera arrives with john and all our other stuff, and i can start taking photos of everything. including my babies in their new christmas socks. :)