goodbye san antonio!

this morning in between packing, cleaning, breakfast, yo gabba gabba, and laundry, i took a few pictures of the babies... austen was in such a smiley mood and this was the first time i dressed her to impress. normally she's in a simple onesie, but it's been cool and she needed layers. she's outgrown most of her newborn clothes, so i pulled some out that i didn't think i'd need for at least a couple weeks, and put her in a headband with a big flower. what is it about big flower headbands that make little baby girls so irresistible? she's like having a little doll. dressing a girl is just way more fun than dressing a boy.

tomorrow morning we are boarding the plane to seattle! this is the last time i'll be writing from texas, and these are the last photos taken of my little texans. next time we bring out the camera, we'll be settled in our new apartment in olympia. i'm beyond excited.

wordless wednesday: bubbles

my family is out to get me

7:00 pm - river is asleep. score!

10:00 pm - austen is asleep. i have such great kids! they are so sleepy and cooperative!

10:30 pm - life is good! i am watching a sappy movie on netflix and eating greasy nachos & a giant dr pepper that i will regret in a few hours, and it is great!

12:00 am - sappy movie watched with very little interruptions! something that is rarely accomplished these days. bedtime! this should assure me at least 8 hours of sleep! i'm gonna go snuggle with my two babies! i love co-sleeping!

3:00 am - austen wakes up to nurse, as expected. what a good little sleeper! five hours straight. i'm so proud! and five hours of sleep left for me! hooray, i love sleep!

4:30 am - just kidding, okay 3.5 hours. that took a while. we nursed, wiggled, nursed, changed diaper, nursed, and wiggled some more. sometimes she gets restless, so i pull out the bouncer and put it next to our bed, and she will fall asleep pretty quickly. it's all good! time to finish my three and a half hours!

4:35 am - river's awake. really? i swear these kids time stuff like this perfectly. it's kind of funny actually. 

5:00 am - what time is it? oh. i've been awake for two hours. eh, that's not bad i guess, compared to the five hour pattern austen had those first few days. keeping a positive attitude! as long as river stops kicking me in the stomach. and digging his chin in my shoulder blade. and putting his feet in my hair.

5:05 am - patience, whitney. patience. repeat: i write my own story. i create river's memories. do i want river to remember how mommy freaked out because she couldn't sleep? i'm going to be a sweet, patient mommy! i can do this! just listen to how he says, "yuh you, mommy." it's so cute! even at five in the morning. maybe.

5:15 am - river is thirsty. i know how that feels, to wake up in the middle of the night and be dying of thirst. even though i am tired and so over this, i'll be a good mommy and get up to get him some water.

5:20 am - river is thirsty, again. another cup of water, no big deal, right?

5:25 am - river is still thirsty. seriously, kid? freaking go to sleep. i don't care if you're dying from thirst. you can have water when you wake up in the morning. if you ever fall asleep.

5:35 am - my patience is worn. i can only say "keep your hands to yourself" and "please scoot over" so many times without going insane. child, you have been awake for an hour, PLEASE GO TO SLEEP.

5:45 am - what was i talking about? this was funny, like, never.

5:50 am - the effing sun is coming up! i should not be awake to witness this! i should be very asleep!

6:00 am - oh my goodness, they are both asleep.

6:05 am - no austen, please... please, stay asleep. *bounce bounce shh shh bounce bounce* (baby magic.)

6:10 am - finally, i am falling asleep. this is so nice. did i mention i love sleep? suddenly, i am jolted from my half-sleep and given a mini heart attack when i hear from the other side of the bed: SNORT. cool, john's snoring.

6:12 am - SNORT. oh god, why is that always so scary when you're half-asleep?

6:13 am - SNORT. i swear to bob if you do not quit snoring i am going to smack you.

6:15 am - SNORT. john gets smacked on the arm and i give him one of those threatening, yelling-whispers, "you're snoring! shut up!" like he can control it. because when i'm really tired, i get really illogical and bitchy.

6:25 am - finally. everyone is quiet. everyone is still. sure, i only get an hour and a half left of sleep, but that's better than nothing. i mean, i can forget a nap today. napping with two kids is impossible.

6:30 am - austen wakes up to nurse. my children, they hate me.

7:00 am - i put sleepy austen in her swing and run to the bedroom to get her burp rag. john and river are sleeping so peacefully. how rude. at least i can use tonight against them at some point during the day. maybe if john and i get into an argument, i can sigh sadly and say, "i'm sorry. it's just that... i've been awake since three and i only got three hours of sleep. being a mom is just ... so tough..." or if river gets grumpy in the afternoon i can be all, "you know, i think i'm going to go the bookstore with austen for a couple hours. i didn't get a lot of sleep last night, but i know the kids aren't going to let me nap and i kinda need a break." yeah, that's it, use it to my advantage.

good morning, everyone!

busy

normally when i say i'm busy, it's because i haven't called someone back, and what i really mean is "i'm just a really poor manager of my time and when i have to take care of two babies all day, during the fleeting moments they happen to be asleep at the same time, i'd much rather sit in front of the tv watching desperate housewives eating a big bowl of ice cream than make small talk on the phone, which is why i make sure it stays in the bedroom all day and i don't hear it ring so i don't have to answer it and then when someone asks why i haven't called them back i say, 'oh, i haven't had my phone on me all day, i've just been so busy, i'm sorry!'"

i know. i know.

but lately we really have been busy! which is why i haven't been updating the blog as often as i'd like. we are leaving for washington in just 12 days and are having a huge garage sale this weekend so we are packing and organizing like crazy. business has also been great this month... since we're moving a lot of people are booking photosessions like they are going out of style. john and i keep joking around that this was a great business move. just pretend you are moving out the state and everyone will flock to cram their last-minute session in before you, ahem, "leave" ... juuuust kidding. ;) so on top of all the fun stuff that goes along with moving across the country, we have been dedicating hours to editing hundreds of photos.

so i'm just popping my head in to say i'm still alive, and we are for sure moving to washington! once we settle in, i'll be writing more frequently about our new city... i can't wait!! i've been coming up with all these things i can't wait to do once we move. i just texted my mom last night that, oh em gee, we can do our GROCERY SHOPPING TOGETHER!

i'm really excited.

here are a few photos from a session we had yesterday with a dear friend of ours and her sweet daughter... we are going to miss these girls.

one month

today my tiny girl turned one month old. i can't believe it. i've had her for one-twelfth of a year. for one-third of the "fourth trimester." the past week she has changed dramatically, from a sleepy newborn to an alert little baby girl who is discovering the use of her muscles and doesn't sleep nearly as much as i wish she would when i am trying to do the laundry. :) i constantly have to remind myself to take my time and drink in every moment with her. i guess it's easier this time around to forget to do that, in the middle of having a two-year-old and keeping up with the house, and on top of all that, moving to another part of the country. multiple times a day, though, i do find myself just staring at her in all her loveliness. i know it passes so quickly. everyone told me that with river, and it wasn't until he was six months old in the blink of an eye that i realized how true it was. many times since austen was born, i've thought, can it just stay this way forever? can my baby girl stay tiny, and can my little boy stay a toddler? do they have to grow up? i do look forward to their different phases of life and i know every age brings completely beautiful and unique and adorable things.

we saw a lot of family and she got to meet her great-grandpa al and great-grandma liche, john's grandparents, for the first time. it was quite a busy day. it's times like these that make me a little teary-eyed about moving. i so badly want change, a cooler climate, and to live near my mom, but we do have so many people that we love here.

my little brother used to make the same cheesy face at this age when we'd tell him to smile for a picture.

austen celebrated turning a month old by smiling at me today. i had just finished changing her diaper and she was lying there with her big eyes wide open and a little pleasant look on her face, and i thought maybe i could coax a smile out of her. she'd already smiled at her daddy and her aunt rosie. i was so lucky to see that beautiful smile! i'll remember forever! it was a real smile too. river's first smile at me was in my general direction, but it was more of a contended smile. he was a very happy baby. this smile was all, hey, you're my mom! love. plus, i know it was genuine because she very quickly went back to being a little grump after i buttoned her onesie up. ;)

wordless wednesday: peekaboo

mama highlight - elise: to cry, or not to cry?

this guest post is by my friend elise. you can check out her blog and adventures in cloth diapering, mothering and more at revolutionary mommy. i'm know many young mamas can relate to caring for a high-needs infant and trying to incorporate attachment parenting, while juggling the rest of what life brings day to day!

i heart boys. girls scare me. boys aren't dramatic, they don't whine about everything, they can walk it off when they get hurt... they don't get pregnant. these are all real concerns for me when i think about raising a girl. i'm sure i will end up with a girl at some point, but i don't have one right now, and if i play my cards right (ya, like i have control...), she will have a handful of big brothers to keep an eye on her.

anyhow, my first is 6 years old. he is such a great kid. easy-going, independent, and loves the indoors (a huge plus for me).

my second is 4 months old. he is super cute, still nursing, and... extremely needy. and still nursing. by still nursing, i mean like right at this moment after nursing like every hour. he just started dabbling his toes in the world of bananas and avocados, so, hopefully, that will curb the buffet attendance some. yes, i'm feeding my baby food before he's 6 months old. if that concerns you, please see the sentence where i mentioned that he nurses like every hour. he's jealous of my food-food when i eat. it was time. and he only eats food-food after he's already nursed for that session.

like i said, he's really cute. really. especially when he isn't crying, which is all the time. all. he just cries and cries and cries. i hold him practically all day long. and he eats all day long. people keep telling me he's colicky. that's what they tell you when they don't know what's wrong.

well, i know what's wrong and it isn't colic. my first was so easy. he literally could hang out in his bouncer all day long and only be out long enough to eat or get a clean diaper. yes, that happened sometimes. i only breastfed for 6 weeks, i was not an attachment-parenter, i didn't use cloth diapers, and i never wore my baby, except when my mom drug my husband, my baby, and i to natural bridge caverns 4 days post birth (which was induced because i was dilated, but not in labor). yes, i was young. don't judge. that was the pre-hippy me and i have been reborn with rockin' green cloth diaper detergent to clean off all my woes. i could put him on the floor with his toys and a battery-less remote and he could play by himself all day long. so. easy.

now, i cloth diaper, i intend to nurse for like ever, and i wear my baby pretty much every day. my baby chose for me to wear him because i can't put him down. ever. so, if i intend to be productive ever, i have to wear him. he cries while i'm wearing him, he cries while i'm playing with him, and sometimes, he cries while i'm nursing him. he just cries. and cries and cries and cries. and then, he just stops. like nothing ever happened. he isn't gassy, constipated, or teething. he likes his environment to be changed somewhere around every 5 minutes. he likes to be held and looked at constantly. and he likes immediate response. when he cries, he expects you to fix it right at that exact second. in fact, you should have already known he was going to cry and fixed it ahead of time.

people ask me what's wrong with him all the time. nothing. nothing is wrong with him. he's a baby and he just wants to be mad or happy or pee or eat or play, or eat, or eat. people say he must be hungry. you'd think i was starving him by how many times i hear that. he isn't hungry. i just fed him, literally, right before you said that. he likes to suck on things like his hands and people's necks. that means he's hungry. except what it really means is that he likes to put things in his mouth and i better watch out when he's mobile.

so when people ask me why he's crying, i say it's because he's a baby and he does that. sometimes, i think he really just likes to. trust me, he gets really great, constant hands-on care all day long, every day. i am a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, so what else do i ever have to do except pay attention to my kids. 

sometimes it isn't colic, whatever that really even is. sometimes, it's just a reeaaaallllly needy baby who will eventually get over himself (hopefully) and join the rest of society in moderate to great happiness. so the answer is to cry... almost always.

an outing

don't let them fool you. they're not as harmless as they look.

i wanted to call this post "surviving the adventure of leaving the house for the first time with a two year old and a two-week-old by myself," but that was too long, so "an outing" is about all the info you'll get from the title. quite an adventure it was, and i think it will probably be a long time before i am forced decide to leave the house with two babies by myself again. we met friends for breakfast and took a trip to a little pumpkin patch last saturday, stopping for ice cream on the way home. here are some things i thought important to remember for next time. if there is a next time.

• with two, you'd think it would take twice as long to do something. you'd be surprised to discover it actually doesn't. it takes about ten times as long.
• so, if you are sitting on the couch unshowered and undressed, with the toddler in his highchair, covered in oatmeal and still in his stinky night-time diaper, don't tell someone you will try to leave the house in twenty minutes to meet them somewhere for breakfast. it may have been just slightly unrealistic, yet still possible, with just one. not anymore. not in the least.
• even though you were able to just grab a couple diapers and wipes and stuff them in your purse in a hurry a couple weeks ago, you can't do that now. you will need a bottomless diaper bag. unfortunately, no one makes those yet.
• while driving, you will take every mistake other drivers make as a personal offence. you will react by yelling I HAVE A NEWBORN BABY IN THE CAR DAMNIT even when people just change lanes without putting their blinker on.
• during breakfast, your state of mind will permanently be: distracted. you will be unable to hold an adult conversation. you may only be able to reply with head-nods and appropriately placed laughs. a sentence longer than three words may not leave your mouth unless that sentence is something along the lines of, "please don't throw food across the table." your thoughts will mainly be focused on the toddler and infant present and will be similar to the following: don't stick your whole hand in your mouth. please stop fussing. don't spill your water in your lap. no, you don't need another napkin. do i really need to nurse you here? you do not need to remove your shoes. stop poking your friend with your fork. shh, shh, shh, bounce, bounce, bounce. you need to nurse again? really? i just nursed you five minutes ago. crap, why are you pooping now? couldn't you have pooped at home? why does this diaper bag have to be so damn heavy. 
• you can't jiggle the infant seat to calm the upset infant and drive at the same time.
• park = good. toddler will run around, excited to be outdoors, infant will sleep in sling. it will get hot. you won't care.
• public bathroom = bad. two in diapers = also bad. don't even bother trying to use the restroom yourself. just get in and get out as quickly as possible. oh, and toddler will choose this moment to crawl on the floor. the disgusting bathroom floor.
• stopping for a shake on the way home is just an all-around bad idea. i know it sounds sweet and fun, but it won't be. just don't do it.
• at some point, when you have your wallet in one hand and loose cash in the other, the baby is crying and squirming hungrily in the sling, your cell phone is ringing, and the heavy diaper bag is falling off your shoulder, your toddler will make a mad dash to the opposite end of the restaurant.
• a lot of people will stare at you when you are carrying a newborn, because newborns are cute and tiny.
• they will stare more if the newborn is screaming her head off.
• many people staring at you are feeling sorry for you. you will feel their eyes on the back of your head like lasers.
• everything will look gross and full of germs. all you will be able to think about is your two-week-old's vulnerable immune system and wonder if you are a terrible mother for stopping for a shake and pray that she doesn't pick up some horrible disease.
• things that bothered you before... well, they still bother you, you just won't be able to do anything about it. at some point, you will just sit there and blink while your child does something horrid, like eat a french fry off the floor or puts both his hands in another child's pair of shoes. up to that point you will feel hopeless and overwhelmed, but when this event occurs, you will feel strangely accepting and slightly apathetic.
• something petty that used to matter to you, like finishing the rest of the shake (which is delicious, by the way), won't matter anymore. you will throw away the shake because you need both your hands. you will mourn your delicious shake, but again... there's really nothing you can do about it.
• don't worry, you'll make it home just before you run out of gas.
• when you open the door to your home and drop the diaper bag to the floor and sit your toddler down in front of the tv and plop in the chair in front of the computer to nurse the infant you will feel like you just achieved the greatest feat known to woman, short of giving birth.

three weeks and all is well

people keep asking me how things are going with two, since i did write a minor freak-out post about how hard things were and how at one point i decided i didn't want two babies after all. after those first few nights, things really settled down. it's been interesting getting to know austen's patterns and disposition. river was a pretty easy baby, very active, very laid back, very strong, very alert. from the time he was born until he was about a year old, strangers always thought he was two months older than he was, because he was so bright-eyed and strong. he lifted himself off his chest at ten days old (i swear! i have video! and witnesses!), and was walking at nine months. despite being an easy going infant, he would nurse all day, and that was stressful at times. we're talking at least every hour, if not more. he would take a couple two-hour naps during the day, but the rest of the day he would snooze and nurse, snooze and nurse. and at night, he woke up nearly every hour to nurse at night, too. i couldn't take him off the boob and sooth him to sleep. he never, ever, ever fell asleep without nursing.

okay, i lie, he did. once:

river fell asleep by himself for the first time at 7.5 weeks. i was cooking dinner and realized he had been quiet, so i poked my head around the wall to peep at him, and found him sleeping. i was so shocked, i took a picture to remember the day forever.

austen is three weeks old today (whaaat...), and i know this is around the time when colic usually rears its ugly head, but so far she is proving to be quite a content baby as well. but there are two differences between she and her brother, though. she sleeps, and she can fall asleep without nursing. this is huge. i was so over nursing constantly, and really tired of having to nurse river to sleep any time i wanted him asleep. this girl actually stops nursing when she's full -- something river never did. it's so cute. she'll just pull off and sigh contentedly and smack her little lips, and then just lie there with her eyes wide open. thanks mom, that was great. i'm good now. it's 'cause she's a girl. she's a dainty eater. she's dainty everything, compared to river. i feel like she's more of a newborn than river was. she sleeps.. a lot... and isn't even close to lifting herself off her chest!

my sweet three-week-old princess.

she's already learned the bed means sleep. she will be restless and discontent and uninterested in nursing, but as soon as i take her to the bed and nurse her a bit, she will completely settle down. i will be able to take her off the breast and she'll quickly fall asleep just lying next to me. she only wakes up two or three times to nurse at night -- the other night she slept for five and a half hours straight! river never did that, either. geez, i feel really lucky. she does like to be held almost all the time. while she will fall asleep well without nursing if she is tired, if she's wide awake, she must be held. and she's already learned the difference between me and others. sometimes, she just wants mama. yeah, i admit it, i kinda like it. :) so anyway, there's an update. don't worry, i don't want to give my daughter away and i haven't spent any more sleepless nights crying with two crying babies.

on another note, hey, it's november! which means just a month until we move! and two months until christmas! i saw my first christmas commercial of the season yesterday. it was very exciting. i do not help the anti-consumerist movement during the holidays at all. i mean, not that i "consume" a lot (unless we're talking about cookies), but... i'm making a point to teach river what a christmas tree is -- sorry, mama loves christmas. should i put my holiday playlist up on the blog yet?!

wordless wednesday: sleeping beauty