river's room makeover

i have finally finished river's room!

just kidding. actually, this is how river's room looked a couple months ago after a few little friends came to visit, and then before i cleaned it up about three weeks later. yes, three weeks. i took this picture for a friend because we were comparing messy houses to make each other feel better. the following pictures are two days later, when i decided it might be a good idea to make it a livable, sleepable space.

the yellow dresser got a makeover! remember how it looked before? i love it! it's really a gift from my friend irene, because she actually bought the handles and paint to redo it. thanks to her, it looks adorable and modern.

i've been wanting this ikea moose since i saw it three years ago. found it at a thrift store for $18. river loves it and now thinks horses and cows are moose, too. (for instance, last night at the halloween church party? forget pony rides. that was a moose, y'all.)

from left to right -- vintage books, a giant R for guesswhat, stacking cubes, adorable elephant bank river got from a dear friend before he was born, a book wagon and a couple handmade stuffed animals (the red chicken was made by my friend amy over at maker mama), and my mom's fischer price school house from when she was itty bitty.

the dresser was plain black before. way too dark for the space, especially after we painted the walls. rather than sanding it down and painting it, i just bought scrapbook paper and mod-podged it up. it cost about $20 total (i went through an entire tub of mod podge) and i love how it turned out! it's easy to wipe down and so far it has held up wonderfully to river and his fellow toddlers.

this has got to be the cheapest, cutest art to put together. i love how hoop art looks. for the fabric and hoops (some of which i already had on hand), this cost about $10 total.

a tiny shelf John made a few years ago which was actually a "soap box" prop for something we did. perfect for all his prefolds.

you may remember the before pictures... there definitely wasn't much to this room before i started. i love it now... i'm so happy with how it turned out! it really is too bad that we are now moving and therefore, i won't be able to enjoy it anymore. this is the closest i've ever come to completely decorating a room in our house before. the only thing left to do is the baseboards. yep, we've been living here for eleven months and the baseboards aren't done. that's how we roll. and i still wish i had a little white rug in the center -- i think that would make it more cozy and add some brightness in contrast to the dark walls and floors. of course, once we move i can remake his room. and then maybe i'll get a white rug.

new

twelve days old today, and nine pounds, three ounces -- an entire pound up from her birth weight!

looking down at this tiny girl against my chest, stroking her silky head full of hair, listening to her soft noises as she sleeps... the same thoughts go through my head as they did with river, when he was so fresh and new: i can't believe this is mine. this is the baby that was wiggling and kicking and dancing inside me (keeping me up at all hours of the night before she was even born)? just a week and a few days ago... this was the little person that had been growing in my body, from a tiny life, to the wet, screaming, breathing baby i held in my arms the moment she was born? i mean, technically, i could still be pregnant with her. she could still be inside me. that's how new she is. the reality almost can't even be grasped. what a beautiful little life.

the way she depends on me, the way she relaxes against me, the way she is nourished at my breast... getting to know her personality, her patterns, her differences from my first baby... noting every facial expression, every little smile and grimace and pout... reminding myself to store in my memory every passing characteristic of this newborn... how her fists curl, how her tiny toes spread, how light-as-feathers her little arms and legs are... i am loving every moment. i cherish this newness, but i also look forward to watching her grow and change. i remember how sweet each stage was with river. watching your own children grow is just incredible. how they just blossom, and how fun it is to watch them learn about the world around them. and how sweet it is when you realize they've fallen in love with you, too.

tots bots & honey chunks giveaway from happy baby company

let me introduce you to one of my favorite cloth diaper resources: happy baby company! many, many moons ago (back in january) i carefully prepared and packed all our diapers to fly with us on a trip to pennsylvania (they got their own suitcase), determined to only use cloth on the two-week long trip to my parents' house. all was well until it was time to do the first load of dirty diapers, when i realized i did not pack our trusty rockin' green! so i turned to trusty google and looked up "cloth diaper store" in the area, and was lucky to find one of the only stores within a three-state radius, right there in pittsburgh: happy baby company. what luck! we called to see if they had any rockin' green in stock (they did) and they told us they could have it shipped to the house that afternoon and there by tomorrow. i decided it would be much more fun to take a trip to the actual store and see all the cute fluff up close and personal.

immediately when we walked in, we were greeted by the cuteness of the place. hello, festive diaper garland hanging in the window, brights shelves full of dozens of brands of diapers, and a cute tot pushing her mini shopping cart around the store. i was very impressed by the selection of natural parenting products the store had in stock -- everything from cloth diapers, diaper-friendly detergent, baby care products like amber jewelry and diaper rash cream, baby wraps and carriers, natural and organic toys, and many locally hand-made items as well.

lilly and adam were so helpful and personable! they were great about letting us take our time; we walked around for probably 45 minutes, and they answered any questions we had about their products. river played with the toys in a little play room they had in the back, and they gave us mugs of coffee to warm us up (it was freezing outside).

i am super excited about this giveaway, because the diaper they gave me to review has become one of my favorites! i love tots bots easy fit and have since purchased two more to add to our stash. i would buy one in every color and print if i could afford it. this diaper is great for so many reasons. first of all, it's sort of a cross between a pocket and an all-in-one. the insert is attached to the diaper and stuffs into a pocket. which means you don't have to remove the insert before putting it in the wash! that is the one downside to pocket diapers, having to fish the stinky insert out of the shell with two fingers, trying not to touch too much of the messy diaper in the process -- blech. the easy fit diaper can just be thrown into the wash as is, and the insert shakes out on its own during the agitation of the wash. it also makes adding absorbency a breeze, unlike with most all-in-one diapers. if you need another layer for overnight or a long car ride, you just stuff another insert into the pocket opening. and because the absorbent part isn't sewn into the diaper, like your average AIO, the diaper dries faster. this is great for us, because we line-dry all our diapers. besides being practical and super easy to use, this diaper is just adorable. check it:

originally i bought both of these with austen in mind when i was pregnant, but the tutti frutti print has become river's favorite to wear. he will run to get his "apple diapuh" whenever it's clean. and the flower power print is my favorite print in our stash. it's so bright and cheery! of course, a great thing about this diaper is that it's a one-size, which generally means fitting 8 to 35 pounds. here is the diaper on my 8-pound ten day old, and on my 29-pound two year old. it seems pretty big on austen, especially compared to disposables, but it fits well and is snug enough that i know leaky breastmilk poo isn't going to sneak out.

happy baby company also gave me honey chunks foaming wipe solution to try out. this stuff smells so delicious and i found that i liked using it a lot better than a spray solution. the foam comes out nice and thick and it only takes a pump or two to wet a cloth wipe. it makes wiping up a poopy butt a breeze!

i wish their storefront was located in my city and not miles away in pittsburgh. but for those of us who can't visit to look at all the cute diapers (i would probably be there every week), their website is cute and easy to navigate, and they have free shipping on orders over $35. so, the fun part: happy baby company is offering a tots bots easy fit all-in-one diaper and a bag of honey chunks foaming wipe solution to one lucky winner! check out this new, super easy way to enter the giveaway... saves so much time, i love it!

wordless wednesday: lovin' on little sister

adjusting

wow. this is HARD.

i remember when i was pregnant with river, everyone warned me about how difficult it would be. in our birthing from within class, we were told that adjusting to life with the new baby would be the new labyrinth that we would have to find our way through (if you've read the book or taken the class, you may know what i'm talking about ;). a couple people even told me i was going to wish i was still pregnant. that wasn't the case at all. river was an easy, content baby and those first few weeks were an absolute dream! everything about that fresh, new baby was wonderful. it took me almost a month to have my first breakdown. i looked around the house and questioned my ability to care for a three week old and a small apartment, i was sick of not being able to do anything and my body was not healing because even though i wasn't doing anything, i was still doing too much. i felt like i was going crazy. before that day though, it was smooth sailing, and the freakout was short lived.

not this time. freakout came on night number two. i got about an hour of sleep before austen decided to wake up and nurse for five hours. every time i'd lay down, put her down, or shift her position, she would wake up in protest. she refused her paci and only wanted the real deal. breastfeeding was painful thanks to postpartum hormones, and my uterus was contracting strongly with her nursing all night long. river woke up crying around hour four. we've been transitioning him to his bed for a couple weeks now, going in to sooth him back to sleep with a couple songs and holding his hand when he wakes up, but that night he wasn't having it. john tried for a while to get him back to sleep but river just wanted mama, and i couldn't bear to hear my sweet boy crying for me from the other room. all i could think was "he's going to think i don't love him! he's going to think austen's taken his place! he's going to feel neglected!" so at five in the morning, i found myself sitting on the floor next to the big boy bed, nursing a restless two-day-old, singing monkey and puppy songs, holding a whimpering two-year-old's hand, occasionally leaning over for a "beeeeeeg huck," (big hug) and fighting back (and sometimes giving in to) overwhelmed tears of insanity and sleeplessness. i really did wish i was still pregnant. after about an hour of this, and then attempting to leave him in his room by himself to cry it out for about thirty minutes, i decided both of us would be much better off if we all just slept in the same bed. it was way too heartbreaking. anything was better than this.

the third night started off great but was bearable only up until a certain point. i got a blissful two hours of sleep before austen woke up and wanted to nurse all night. she takes the paci during the day just fine, but at night she just wants the comfort of mama's breasts. i was doing great by the second hour (this isn't too bad! it's expected, really...), third hour (okay, mama's getting kinda sleepy, little girl. don't you want to sleep?), the forth hour (are you serious? how can a newborn stay awake for so long), but by the fifth hour it started going downhill. by that time it was about six thirty in the morning and john had to get up soon to lead worship, and river decided it was time to get up, too. while john was in the shower, river shuffled out of bed and i laid with austen (who finally decided it was time to sleep), exhausted, but knowing that i needed to follow him so he wouldn't get into mischief. it was a few minutes later when i heard a cough and retching sound in the hallway.

oh. my. god. NO!

expecting the worst, i called his name and asked him if he was okay. immediately, he started crying. "mama! river spit!" which, in toddler language, means, "hey mom, i just disposed of the contents of my stomach in the hallway!" i had no idea what i was going to do. here i was, recovering from birth and on two hours of sleep, my husband about to leave us for a couple hours, with a toddler who's throwing up and a newborn with no immune system. great timing. okay, if it sounds like i'm complaining a lot and i felt sorry for myself... well, you're right. long story short, by the grace of god, river and austen fell asleep right before john left and i was able to sleep the entire time, as well. river never threw up again and acted perfectly normal all day, so i'm guessing it was just a case of, "let's see how far i can stick my fingers down my throat."

the nights are difficult. much more difficult than it was with river. the days get better as they progress into the afternoon, and i guess we'll just have to deal with these long nights for the next few weeks. having a newborn with a toddler is very different. i expected it to be difficult, very difficult, but i don't think anyone could have prepared me for this. and it's especially hard to stay off my feet when i'm feeling fine. i'm getting tired of asking john for everything -- can you get me some water? can you fetch me that burp cloth? can you turn the light off? i guess i should just enjoy being waited on hand and foot, because it's not going to last for long. :)

with the first, everything is so magical. "babymoon" is the perfect word for it. you are just dancing on the clouds, so entirely smitten and absolutely in love. while these moments do exist and i am absolutely in love with this little girl, i am accepting that not every moment with this new one is going to be magical. at times it's going to be really tough, but i'm trying to take in each and every moment, remembering that they pass entirely too quickly. they are only so tiny for so long. i am lucky that river seems to really like his little sister. he is so loving, and as gentle as a clumsy toddler can be, and gives her soft kisses and laughs at her little squeaks and sighs. this is a new layer of sweetness that we didn't have with the first, of course -- watching big brother and baby sister together. our two children, our absolutely perfect, precious gifts from god.

oh, and she has a dimple on her left cheek when she smiles in her sleep. how dreamy is that?
answer: very dreamy. she's gonna be a heartbreaker.

she's here

austen rose 

born october 13th, 2011

at 9:26 am

8 lbs. 3 oz.

21 inches long

she was born in the kitchen after two and a half hours of labor, an incredibly fast, painful, but JOYFUL birth. i'll be posting her birth story soon. if i get around to writing it in the middle of the hustle and bustle of caring for a newborn and a toddler. :)

ready

the past few days, as i have been steadily nearing my due date, i've gone through various emotional phases of preparing to give birth.

the first stage was can we just get this over with? physically, it just sort of hit me. i had to go through two, three, maybe even four more weeks of this? my ribs feel bruised, my back hurts, my abdomen is heavy, achy, tight, and stretched to the max, i can't breathe... i could go on. i just don't remember being this uncomfortable toward the end of my pregnancy with river. i wished desperately to curl up in a ball and touch my knees to my chest to offer my back some relief, but um... i couldn't. because there is a watermelon separating my knees from my chest. all i could do to try and help the nagging pain is the cat yoga pose (you can only arch your back so much with an attached watermelon). oh, what would i give for an hour-long massage session. yesyesyes, that's all i want! gimme, and i will never complain again!

then i realized, yes, i am very close... and as tired of being pregnant as i am, these are the last days i have with my kid as just river and mommy. i even took a little computer break, because i felt that i was way too preoccupied and lazy, and i kept thinking that my sweet boy was going to be thrown into this new world of mommy and river and baby, and i felt like he really deserved my time and full attention during these last few weeks. i was off of the internet for two days, completely, and then slowly allowed myself to peek into facebook and my email and such. i found that with less of my time spent reading articles, browsing pinterest and commenting on friends' facebook statuses, my house stayed neater as well... because at 10:30 when i would normally be sitting with my ass glued to the chair and my eyes glued to the screen, i was actually washing dishes. and vacuuming. and retrieving toys and such out from under the coffee table. it might also have to do with the fact that i am nesting like crazy, something that definitely did not happen late in my pregnancy with river. i am a much nicer mommy when i am off the computer and my house is clean. and river is a much nicer toddler when i am a nice mommy. who knew the presence of a comfortable distraction could cause so much stress? i need another computer break, ideally until the baby arrives.

and then one day, it was of pure annoyance. i was in a bad mood and simply did not feel like going into labor. i was having lots of contractions, and kept saying to myself, i BETTER not go into labor because i just do NOT want to have to deal with that today and i don't FEEL like taking care of a newborn right now because i am just TOO STRESSED. the mere thought of having to be calm and loose and create a serene environment was awful. i didn't want to breathe through contractions. i wanted to punch a pillow.

the next stage was fear. i can't really wrap my mind around how close i am to giving birth to this baby, and it was sort of freaking me out. when i say i was never nervous or afraid of giving birth to river, i'm 100% for serious. if ever i felt a little twinge of fear, i'd just go watch youtube homebirth videos or read some ina may, and my confidence was renewed. when people asked me if i was scared or nervous, i truthfully told them nope. this time, not so much. it seems silly too, since i had a great birth with river and twenty minutes after giving birth i was saying, "i'd much rather do that again than go through morning sickness." but for some reason, last week, i'd start to think of giving birth, i'd remember how tough it was, to say the least, how painful and how much work it was, and i'd get butterflies in my baby-squished stomach. i started wondering if i could handle it again.

but i'm past that. the final stage is readiness. at least, i hope this is the final stage. a few nights ago, contractions woke me up multiple times. crampy, but not too painful, yet more intense than the regular (still intense) braxton hicks. at around seven in the morning, on four hours of sleep, i woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep because the contractions were that strong. after an hour of this, i texted two out-of-town friends who are planning on coming to the birth and gave them a heads up, saying i didn't really think it was time, but just in case. i was feeling excited and completely at peace. i could feel the pressure deep down, and i prayed that god would help my body open, and that today would be the day. i decided if i really was going into labor, i might as well get up and make myself a good breakfast, since i'd need the energy later. but after i got up, i only had two more contractions before they stopped completely.

so, that's where i stand now. i still freak out a little bit, but that's only when i look around the house and see how messy it is and tell myself i need to finish cleaning it before the baby arrives. but other than that... i'm ready. tomorrow i will be 40 weeks along. this morning i had an appointment with my midwife, and i'm hoping the next time i see her is when she arrives at our home to help welcome our little girl to the world.

alisa and me.

wordless wednesday: cheers

photosession: the jennings family

ever met an incredibly happy family that is just crazy about each other? well here's one... seriously, this shoot was so much fun and this family is just so sweet! little claire is about the friendliest, most outgoing three year old i've met. she and river became instant friends and walked around in between shots, picking flowers and holding hands. i'm not kidding. i wish i'd gotten "behind the scenes" shots because it was pretty adorable.

loved this session.