11.22.2011

my family is out to get me

7:00 pm - river is asleep. score!

10:00 pm - austen is asleep. i have such great kids! they are so sleepy and cooperative!

10:30 pm - life is good! i am watching a sappy movie on netflix and eating greasy nachos & a giant dr pepper that i will regret in a few hours, and it is great!

12:00 am - sappy movie watched with very little interruptions! something that is rarely accomplished these days. bedtime! this should assure me at least 8 hours of sleep! i'm gonna go snuggle with my two babies! i love co-sleeping!

3:00 am - austen wakes up to nurse, as expected. what a good little sleeper! five hours straight. i'm so proud! and five hours of sleep left for me! hooray, i love sleep!

4:30 am - just kidding, okay 3.5 hours. that took a while. we nursed, wiggled, nursed, changed diaper, nursed, and wiggled some more. sometimes she gets restless, so i pull out the bouncer and put it next to our bed, and she will fall asleep pretty quickly. it's all good! time to finish my three and a half hours!

4:35 am - river's awake. really? i swear these kids time stuff like this perfectly. it's kind of funny actually. 

5:00 am - what time is it? oh. i've been awake for two hours. eh, that's not bad i guess, compared to the five hour pattern austen had those first few days. keeping a positive attitude! as long as river stops kicking me in the stomach. and digging his chin in my shoulder blade. and putting his feet in my hair.

5:05 am - patience, whitney. patience. repeat: i write my own story. i create river's memories. do i want river to remember how mommy freaked out because she couldn't sleep? i'm going to be a sweet, patient mommy! i can do this! just listen to how he says, "yuh you, mommy." it's so cute! even at five in the morning. maybe.

5:15 am - river is thirsty. i know how that feels, to wake up in the middle of the night and be dying of thirst. even though i am tired and so over this, i'll be a good mommy and get up to get him some water.

5:20 am - river is thirsty, again. another cup of water, no big deal, right?

5:25 am - river is still thirsty. seriously, kid? freaking go to sleep. i don't care if you're dying from thirst. you can have water when you wake up in the morning. if you ever fall asleep.

5:35 am - my patience is worn. i can only say "keep your hands to yourself" and "please scoot over" so many times without going insane. child, you have been awake for an hour, PLEASE GO TO SLEEP.

5:45 am - what was i talking about? this was funny, like, never.

5:50 am - the effing sun is coming up! i should not be awake to witness this! i should be very asleep!

6:00 am - oh my goodness, they are both asleep.

6:05 am - no austen, please... please, stay asleep. *bounce bounce shh shh bounce bounce* (baby magic.)

6:10 am - finally, i am falling asleep. this is so nice. did i mention i love sleep? suddenly, i am jolted from my half-sleep and given a mini heart attack when i hear from the other side of the bed: SNORT. cool, john's snoring.

6:12 am - SNORT. oh god, why is that always so scary when you're half-asleep?

6:13 am - SNORT. i swear to bob if you do not quit snoring i am going to smack you.

6:15 am - SNORT. john gets smacked on the arm and i give him one of those threatening, yelling-whispers, "you're snoring! shut up!" like he can control it. because when i'm really tired, i get really illogical and bitchy.

6:25 am - finally. everyone is quiet. everyone is still. sure, i only get an hour and a half left of sleep, but that's better than nothing. i mean, i can forget a nap today. napping with two kids is impossible.

6:30 am - austen wakes up to nurse. my children, they hate me.

7:00 am - i put sleepy austen in her swing and run to the bedroom to get her burp rag. john and river are sleeping so peacefully. how rude. at least i can use tonight against them at some point during the day. maybe if john and i get into an argument, i can sigh sadly and say, "i'm sorry. it's just that... i've been awake since three and i only got three hours of sleep. being a mom is just ... so tough..." or if river gets grumpy in the afternoon i can be all, "you know, i think i'm going to go the bookstore with austen for a couple hours. i didn't get a lot of sleep last night, but i know the kids aren't going to let me nap and i kinda need a break." yeah, that's it, use it to my advantage.

good morning, everyone!

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