is it okay to say my son is driving me crazy? i'm not even going to add, "don't get me wrong, i love him with all my heart and i think he is the most precious, adorable child i have ever seen in my entire life," because that's a given (though, i did just add it didn't i).
river has always been strong, active, and advanced in his gross motor skills. this is a good thing. kind of. he sat up, pulled up, and hands-and-knees crawled all in one week, at five and a half months. so while his little friends are happily right on "schedule" with said activities, i was already (quite literally) chasing river around the house. (really, he couldn't give me just three more months of down time?) this combined with attachment parenting (and the teething. and the perpetual "growth spurts.") has been difficult. it's hard to tell people offering their advice that i am not interested in weaning until i know he is ready and absolutely not interested in letting him cry it out. (i could go on about AP, but that's definitely another post for another time.)
i just talked to my mom and told her river was driving me crazy. she asked what had happened, and i said, oh you know. clinging to me, begging to nurse, won't let me do anything, crying when i don't pick him up, getting into every little thing possible, pulling my hair, slapping my face (gentle pat-pat-patting, without the gentle), eating the houseplant, destroying my folded laundry, splashing in the dog's water bowl, refusing to lay still for a diaper change, grabbing the dog's fur. the usual.
this is during the day. at night, he sleeps great for two to three hours, then from there wakes up every hour to nurse, starting with the hour i finally go to bed. it's like a radar goes off: "oh, mommy's going to sleep now, she's available to nurse me as long and as often as i want 'till morning!"
*slaps face into hands*
let me tell you, i have a completely new appreciation for mothers. this is coming from someone who thought she would be an expert. i'm serious! i have five younger siblings, three of whom i grew up with, being the older, more mature (ahem.. bahaha) sister. sometimes they even called me mama on accident! i've worked at daycares, in sunday school, i've tutored and homeschooled, been a nanny, i've even handled 35 children from the ages of 2 to 11 for two hours - by myself! (my greatest feat) - i thought i had done it all. i thought it would be a breeze.
i will say it hasn't been exactly hard. however, lately it has been draining and i often find myself frustrated. we have our good days and our not-so-good days. there are days when he is content to play on his own, sit in his exersaucer, and go three hours between feedings. there are more days when he is clingy and chasing me around the house whining, "muh mum! muh mum! mum!" there are morning when i wake up and realize with an unexplainable joy (yes) that he only woke up twice to nurse. and there are far more mornings when i wake up and beg john to take him to the living room to play so i can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.
so today is just one of those days. i have read to him every cardboard book in the bookshelf, we've danced crazy to wild thing by the troggs, and i even gave in and let him watch 11 minutes of a blue's clues episode (i told you i was desperate!); meanwhile i have laundry strewn everywhere on the living room floor, the kitchen is a complete disaster, i need to vacuum, and i haven't taken the dogs out since this morning.
guess i'm seeing this light just before mother's day, so i can give my mom the proper thank you she has always deserved. i don't know how she did it, along with homeschooling all four of us. she most definitely is a supermom.