here we go!

My water just broke at 1:00pm! Sooner than expected, for me anyway. I thought he would wait at least a week or so. I was pretty proud of how patient I was being. I started feeling crampy right away, like mild menstrual cramps, but no contractions yet. I'm wondering how this is going to go. No turning back now. :) Dang I just realized I forgot to make myself some playlists.

Just got another flow of fluid too, so while I was second guessing that maybe I had actually peed in my pants (haha), I'm not anymore. :D

river's due date

Today is officially River's due date... not that he's coming today. I haven't felt impatient until this past week. Of course, I've been looking forward to my baby's birthday the whole pregnancy -- but now it's so close, seeing his face and holding his little body and taking care of him is more of a reality. I can't wait to just stare at him and feel like my heart is going to explode with love for him. I can't wait for that feeling. I feel already that this little boy is somehow going to complete me. I have wanted to be a mommy since I was teeny. I have always wanted to devote my life to my someday-children. Now I can. I don't think there's anything I want more.

I think all the time of the things I will do with him when he's a newborn, when he's a toddler, when he's a kid. Some of them are...well, kind of dumb. Like blowing in his face. Have you ever blown in an infant's face before? It's hilarious. Or giving him his first taste of a lemon. Making him laugh. Watching him do funny little things. When my brother was barely two, he slipped on my mom's huge 90s glasses, sat in his mini-recliner, crossed his legs, and opened a book to look at the pictures. It was so funny. All these little things, I want to record, write down, photograph, and remember forever. I can't wait to take pictures of him. His little toes, his hands, his baby butt, his fat rolls, his hair. I hope he's born with a lot of hair. I hope he has John's hair -- dark and curly.

When he gets older, I can't wait to teach him everything he needs to know. I can't wait to homeschool him. I can't wait to teach him how to read, his colors, his numbers. I can't wait to do crafts with him, let him finger-paint, play in the mud, get messy with shaving cream just because, let him "help" me make dinner. I want to paint a wall in his room with chalkboard paint and let him color on his walls. I want to do crafts with him, take him to the park, get him a puppy (uh... get us a puppy), continue Christmas traditions with him, throw birthday parties for him, give him a mohawk, buy him little Chucks.

I can't wait to teach him music, encourage him to be creative. Take him to Guitar Center to try out the drum sets, strum some acoustic guitars. (Maybe Daddy can even teach him some of the technical stuff that I will never understand,like synthesizers and sound boards.) And yes, I am even looking forward to getting him into sports: soccer, softball, football (as much as I can't stand football).

I'm not rushing you River...but just know that I am really looking forward to officially meeting you.

a message to the general public

I've found myself avoiding eye contact with people because I am sick of answering the same questions I receive from everyone of when I'm due, if I'm ready, if I'm excited, and how I feel. (And no, if he starts to move around, I will not tell you so you can feel him kick.)

Oh. My. Gawd.

And people think they are so funny and original, those silly comments they make. For the record, it's actually not okay to do the following:

1) Touch a pregnant woman's belly without asking, or

2) Say anything that slightly hints toward said woman being big, such as:

a) Are you sure you're not carrying twins?

b) You're look like you're going to pop.

c) You sure look like you're about ready to have that baby.

d) You are filling out nicely.

e) You used to have skinny stick legs. Your legs aren't skinny anymore.

f) That sure is going to be a big baby.

g) When were you due, last week? (A friend actually had a stranger ask her this. RUDE!)

These statements, followed by "I mean that..."

a) "in the best of ways."

b) "in the nicest of ways."

c) "to be a good thing."

...means not a thing to a pregnant women who does, actually, feel about ready to pop.

And also, here are my responses to each question. That I receive from the same people. Again and again. And just to let you know, the answer doesn't change, won't change, and even if it does, I try to steer away from conversation about my pregnancy as quickly as possible, so most likely I will still give you a quick, nuetral answer, or at least one I think you would like to hear, so you will shut up.

(This does not apply to sweet old ladies who wish to tell me their pregnancy stories, or any woman who has beentheredonethat and has useful advice to give or does not mind listening to me complain.)

1. When I'm due: In three months.

2. If I'm ready: Actually, we don't have a thing for the baby.

3. If I'm excited: Hell no.

4. How I feel: Like I could compete in the Iron Man.

Oh wait, did those answers throw you off? Then it looks like you know the answers already. If you're still a little confused, here are the correct answers:

1. When I'm due: In three days. This does not mean we will have a baby in three days. Who delivers on their due date.

2. If I'm ready: Do I look ready? I'm ready. Why wouldn't I be ready. If I'm expected to have a baby in the next week, how the hell could I not be ready.

3. If I'm excited: I've never been more excited for anything in my life. Now stop asking me this every time you see me.

4. How I feel: Like crap. Generally, that is how pregnant women feel, I'm pretty sure. Even if they are feeling "great," that is because they spent the first 3 or more months of their pregnancy puking everywhere, everyday, and anything compared to that is truly great. (I know you think this is a nice, thoughtful question, but keep in mind EVERYONE thinks this is a nice thoughtful question, and Mama has to answer it at least 20 times a day. And Mama's not going to tell you how she really feels. Because most of the details are pretty disgusting or disturbing.)

So now you have every answer to everything you ever wanted to know, correct? Next time you see me and you have the urge to ask me any of the above questions or make any of the above harmless comments, refer to this message. And remember, my mind is not consumed with my pregnancy 24/7, so I would actually like to discuss things other than my present "condition." Thank you.