this thing is getting heavy

I have reached the point in my pregnancy where I am physically conscious of the child inside me, not only when I am leaning up against a counter and feel as though there is a ball between me and it, but even as I am sitting here typing this. Sometimes the baby is in such a position that I can tell where she is in my uterus without even feeling my stomach. This morning she felt so incredibly heavy and it was extremely uncomfortable and awkward putting on my jeans -- I have to sort of bring my leg up and out to the side of me and dangle the pant leg with one hand while holding my balance with the other. Meanwhile, I feel as though I'm carrying a backpack in front of me -- no, inside of me -- it's heavy and constricts my movements. You can only squish the thing so much! The heaviness is such a strange sensation. I've never experienced anything like this and find it so bizarre. As strange as feeling the baby roll around inside me, at times.

Just a minute ago, I could tell the baby had switched positions because I got this sinking, tugging feeling (a physical sinking, tugging feeling in my gut, not emotional -- emotional tugging feelings are so much more often felt! I imagine expectant mothers are the only ones to really experience the physical sinking tugging feeling.) and I had to pee all of a sudden. Another thing I've realized lately is that every time I have to pee (which is about every 45 minutes), I only pee a tablespoon or so, which is very frustrating when I just went in the last hour and desperately need to relieve my bladder again, and expect the second rendition of the Great Flood once my butt hits the toilet, only to tinkle. Frustrating indeed. They say right now that your bladder is right in front of your uterus (it will be underneath the uterus later on in the pregnancy). Well God, if I have to pee so often right now, when it's not even being pushed down, I wonder what the next few months are going to be like? Not to mention the baby is only about a pound in weight -- at least five more pounds to go. Holy crap.

There is so much more to pregnancy than people tell you -- I mean, even if they do tell you, you don't get it until you're there. It is still crazy to me that once you hit a certain week, you are completely physically aware of the growing baby! Crazy. No one could have prepared me. Nor could they have prepared me for how uncomfortable and inconvenient morning sickness was, the way baby's kicks feel, how your skin feels like it's been stretched to its limit at twenty weeks (Twenty more weeks of this to go? You've got to be kidding me!), how your belly button looks right before it's about to pop out, how much saliva and snot your body really can produce, how vivid your dreams really are (It's not a myth. All those pregnancy ladies are telling the truth -- my dreams have never been so real!) or how the baby takes up your every thought and how in love your are with the child before you even see her. It really is a beautiful thing.

So, I partially understand why some women can say they love being pregnant (the morning sickness and insanely sensitive nose taint my view of the whole thing, just a lil' bit). It is absolutely a glorious time. The experience is incredible and unexplainable. I really wouldn't trade it in for a better time, truly -- everything that happens altogether makes it so... wonderful. And when they say everything is worth it in the end, oh it is. I can already tell it is, and I haven't even reached the end.

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